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Picnics and guns! - 21 July, 2023 |
      
30 November, 2012 - 9:36 p.m.
Well, it's been a while and not much has changed. Except one big thing. Newman and I are no more. I finally had enough. That boy put me through so much shit in the 4 and a half years we were together that eventually I could take no more. Granted, the past year he had been trying hard. He was getting help and had come a long way. But it just wasn't enough. In some areas, he had not changed at all, and unfortunately, these were things I just could not live with, and shouldn't have to. So after 4 and a half years of putting up with things that no-one should have to put up with, (and indeed most people would not have), I reached my limit. He found it hard to understand fully why I chose when I did to end it. After all, the really bad things he did were long in the past. The final straw was nothing monumentally huge but it was just part of a larger picture. So that's it. We're done. He has been living up North for the past 14 months, so it's not much of a change to our lives. He still has a 40 minute phone call with Monkey every night. And he even came to stay for a week last month. He was staying for a week once a month until we split up. I don't know how that's going to work now. The week he stayed last month was tough. Emotional. Stressful. Confusing. Boundary blurring. Tempestuous. Volatile. Unfortunately, he has no job, so no money to spend on a B&B or hotel when he comes to visit. So for Monkey to see him, I have to let him stay here. But it's early days emotionally. So it might take a while to feel comfortable with the situation. But for Monkey's sake I will persevere, and really hope we can make it work as friends being there for Monkeytogether. I would love for us to have days out and who knows, maybe even go on holiday together as a family. At the end of the day, we have so much in common and although I refuse to be in a relationship with him, I think we could be good, maybe best friends again, in time. It's just hard at the moment while it's still so emotional and raw. Looking forward to Christmas and the kids' birthdays. K will be nineteen on the 23rd December, and Monkey will be four on the 30th. Scary stuff! Just trying to cleanse myself of the stress and strains of late and trying to relax and enjoy the festivities. Newman will be coming to stay a couple of days after Christmas so that he will be here for Monkey's birthday. NOT relaxing or stress-free, but I'm trying not to think about it. Just trying to concentrate on making Christmas wonderful and stress-free for my babies! High: The relief of being out of a relationship that brought so much hurt and anguish.
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